In Protest of Myself

The political climate lately has been at a fever pitch. Protestors and demonstrators have taken to the streets to make their voices heard.  Hate and disdain for the other side has been made manifest at events all across the country.  What a spectacle it is.  I have looked on from afar with amazement and bewilderment.  My only regret is that I have not joined in on the revelry. I have searched my heart for that one thing that would make me head out to the public square screaming for my opinion to be heard. I thought about it for a while and could not find a cause. So then I decided that there was only one thing left I could be against. I would protest myself.

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I knew immediately that the first thing that I needed was a sign so I went to the dollar store and purchased some poster board.  I found a Sharpie when I got home (pink, because that always seems to be a good color to make a stand with) and scribbled out in big bold letters “DOWN WITH CHRIS!” Then I went to the shed and found a tomato stake to use for my sign handle.  Add a little super glue and I was in business.

I decided to march locally, since that is the best place for a grass roots movement to start, so I headed out around the house.  It wasn’t long before I had a partner, as my not-so-faithful dog Charlie joined in the march.  We circled the house with me shouting  “No more Chris!” while the dog yelped with enthusiasm.  We didn’t really draw a crowd except for Jay Catsby, who sat on the porch rail and looked at us with that smart aleck look that cats give.  I think she probably would have got on board had I not already had the canine contingency with me. My old friend, the cow, looked on from across the street but seemed content not to protest. I think she had come to terms with the fact that the grass was just as green where she was and there was no need to rock the boat. Russell, the donkey, who obviously leans to the left, began braying his opposition immediately without even asking what the protest was about. Neighbors chose not to stop by, obviously afraid that Charlie had lost his mind.  So we continued our protest in this manner for at least three laps around the house, after which I was too fatigued to continue so I went inside for some sweet tea.

As I sat in the recliner after my protest I thought about my reason for the event. Thinking was not easy because Russell continued to bray long after the march had ended. I wondered if perhaps I did go a bit overboard. Sure I can get lazy sometimes and I tend to eat a little too much. I have been known to get carried away with my spending occasionally.  I have my flaws, no doubt, but it certainly did not warrant a protest.

In the end, I may not have had reason at all to complain. There are certainly worthwhile causes in this life that deserve to be brought to light.  If I learned anything from my latest uprising it is this: know what you are protesting for.

2 Comments


  1. // Reply

    Brilliant. Best political opinion I have read. Russell the donkey is hilarious. Love you blog!


  2. // Reply

    This is awesome. I know another Chris that should probably take advice and simmer down a tad.

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