This one starts sometime deep in the night, at that point where you know you should be sleeping but can’t find the dropping off point. Somewhere deep in the crevices of my mind The Allman Brothers Band keeps repeating “Soulshine” but I’m really not even sure why. I think it may have something to do with how I’m living.
Days are screaming by now, and with not a lot to hang on to as they pass. There is a dulling that occurs with age that I never saw coming before. I had seen it on old men’s faces in my youth but never thought I could get caught up in it. My eyes would never get cold like that. My heart would never give in.
Don’t give us a sad one, you’re thinking. I feel the same way but this is where I am. I think that the tragedy would be not so much in the traveling through the valley as it would be to stay there. When I’m all alone like now I consider that other pilgrims are walking this same path. What to do with that feeling of helplessness as time goes fleeting by? Regret will surely follow if we can’t reign in the hours that seem wasted. This is the challenge of living. I probably won’t have it figured out tonight but that is what I’m working on.
What if we don’t give in during these hours? I think that probably this is God’s way of showing us it is time to change but that scares me and probably you too. Maybe that feeling we get when melancholy sets in is a reminder from heaven that we really don’t have as much time here as we think. It’s easy to get in a rut and hard to climb back out. I have found that there are always a few folks that are digging in the same hole you are that would love to keep you there. Do not entertain them, friend, because you will be alone in the last hole you are in. Make the change and move on, forgetting the rest.
Mellencamp said that “life moves on, long after the thrill of living is gone”. If you and I are not careful that could be the case. I think though, that maybe if we consider providence and trust that God has better for us we can find the fullness in life that we desire. We must become aware when we are in a funk and pause for a moment and look up. Then we can decide if we want to stay in the path we are going or make the change that God is pointing us to. This living stuff ain’t easy and I’m just making it up as I go, but I believe there is always hope. This one may not help you in the slightest but I feel better already. Maybe now I can get some sleep.